When in October of 1950 Ypsilantians were accused of “sloppy speech,” the Ypsilanti Daily Press thundered forth with a series of 4 stories over 6 days that crushed, decimated, and obliterated this ridiculous charge.

Under the headline “Jeepers, Wha’hoppin, Getta load of this! Precise Diction of City Unappreciated,” the Oct. 12 paper said, “Ypsilanti was today dubbed with the name of being one of the five cities in America with the ‘sloppiest speech.’ The charge was brought by the Linguaphone Institute of America which claims that it made a survey and found that the people in Ypsilanti ‘just don’t seem to care about their speech’.”

Ypsilanti was not alone. “Other cities named were Brooklyn, N.Y., with the most ‘sloppy speech’ patterns," noted the Press. "Atlanta, Georgia, was named because ‘its speech patterns are typical of the lazy south’; Chicago, Illinois, because ‘most people sound like they are either being chased by gangsters or are running for trains’; Hollywood, California, because ‘they sound as if they are talking with hot potatoes in their mouths’.”

The paper took a flinty-eyed look at the accusers. “It was learned today that the Linguaphone Institute is primarily interested in selling the Linguaphone. This is a machine that attempts to teach people correct enunciation through the use of records. The company normally ‘plugs’ the idea of learning foreign languages via this method, but now seems to be going into the business of teaching people to speak English.”

“Evidently, they sent a team to Ypsilanti where some 100 speech records were made. About 75 percent of these were street interviews and the rest were made in private homes. The other 17,900 people residing in the city were therefore not contacted or recorded."

The Press was only warming up. It now targeted the word in question. “‘Wet, so as to spatter easily,’ is the definition Webster’s Dictionary gives the word ‘sloppy.’ The institute making the charge must think that everyone in these five cities, so branded, speaks with a mouth full of water.”

“Like most other college towns a great deal of slang is originated in Ypsilanti,” the paper said. “Some of it is good and humorous and easy to use; some of it lasts while other sayings and quips have a very short life. It is like the fad of wearing certain colored hats and other gimmicks.”

The Press continued, “According to the president of the Linguaphone Institute, Mat Sherover, ‘Sloppy speech is the continued increase of provincial and localized dialect.’ How this could be possible in Ypsilanti is a big question for it is readily admitted that the population of the city is now greatly made up of people from all parts of the country who perhaps never heard of the city 10 years ago. How then could they be ‘provincial and localized’?"

The paper contacted nine city officials and local educational leaders and sought their opinion on the charge of “sloppy speech.”

Mayor Dan Quirk said, “We’re too darn busy getting things done to worry about speech patterns.” The Press added, “He said it didn’t matter much whether we use Oxford or Cambridge English as long as we understand each other and fulfill our jobs in life.”

Michigan State Normal College (EMU) president Eugene Elliott “pointed out that this area originally was noted for its fine speech,” said the paper, “but that a great influx of people such as Ypsilanti has had in the past decade [for bomber plant work] was certain to change the speech patterns. ‘It is true,’ he said, ‘that the cultural pattern has changed and the language of the area has changed.’ The noted educator, however, did not consider this as a criticism but as a statement of fact.”

City manager N.G. Damoose barked, “What hearing aid are they trying to sell?”

The following day, the paper featured a photo of Mayor Quirk. The caption read, “SCRATCHING HIS HEAD in bewilderment, Mayor Dan Quirk reads the charges that the city of Ypsilanti is one of the five worst in the country when it comes to speech. He is wondering just what the accusing company found facts on which to base their claim.”

Also on the front page, two additional stories addressed the issue. One headlined “Other ‘Sloppy’ Cities Protest Too” offered an expert’s opinion.

“Professor Henry Owens of the language department of Michigan State Normal College merely stated, in typical Ypsilanti English, ‘The supererogative and gratuitous jeremiad resulting from a supposititious interrogation of the indigenous citizenry of Ypsilanti by cautelous artifices is ineffably nugatory. The prima facie evidence of slurring malapropisms and errata in diction thus adduced by the inquisitors is redolent of malevolence, of a furor scribendi inherent in such tripe-mongers, and may not be esteemed a veridical proces-verbal. Lese majeste toward the King’s English is ubiquitous, not immured in a given locale. Nil desperandum'.”

The second story, “Ypsilanti Happy as Eve with Apple,” said that Ypsilantians, whose pristine speech was naturally uncorrupted by slang, were now, just for novelty’s sake, trying out the buzzwords of the day. The paper said, “There seems to be a movement now to actually find out what [slang is] all about.”

The Press helpfully spelled out the meanings of some of these unfamiliar expressions. “For instance, ‘getting a charge’ is an expression which usually means that something makes you feel good and you laugh; a ‘big deal’ means that something ‘great’ has happened or will happen; ‘wha’ hoppin?’ is an expression originated by Great Godfrey which is simply slurring ‘what happened’; ‘hi, ya all’ is used as a gleeful greeting which was brought from the South; ‘how ya doin' '; means just that; ‘whaddya know’ is just an exclamation used at a time of amazement or even as a greeting between friends; the other person usually says ‘nothin' ' and they go on from there; ‘on the ball’ means that everything is all right or excellent in your estimation; ‘not so red hot’ is the opposite of ‘really on the ball’ and means the subject isn’t doing so well; ‘cat’s pajamas’ did not die out 20 years ago, and it means wonderful or ‘swell’; ‘real sharp’ is used mostly when a person expresses his ideas on an article of clothing that he likes very much.”

Next Tuesday, October 17, the paper trumpeted one final blast on the subject, headlined “Note: City Does Care!”

“Few groups have labored harder for precise selection of words then city council Monday night when it spent nearly three quarters of an hour determining proper language in the minutes of the former meeting. At issue was whether it had been 'verbally agreed' to follow recommendations of the city manager with regard to use of voting machines in the November election or whether it had been 'resolved' to follow the recommendations." “Arguments were weighty on both sides.”

And with that, the paper rested its case, having thoroughly vindicated its readers of the preposterous charge of “sloppy speech.”

Laura Bien is the author of the local history book "Stud Bunnies and the Underwear Club: Tales from the Ypsilanti Archives," to be published this winter. You can reach her at ypsidixit@gmail.com.

"Cold Off the Presses" is published every Wednesday on AnnArbor.com.