Cold Off the Presses: 5 Must-Have Appliances

Posted on Wed, Aug 12, 2009 : 10:47 a.m.

Cold Off the Presses: 5 Must-Have Appliances

By Laura Bien

A sneak peek at some of the latest lovely, practical, and labor-saving devices for your home. Be the first on your block to snag one of these beauties!

5. Gasoline Stove How wasteful it is to cook on an electric stove! There’s no precision, your best dishes get burnt, and it’s nothing but frustration. At least, it was, till your sweetie surprised you with your new Gasoline Stove!

It’s easy to use. Merely fill the uplifted can with fresh gasoline—whoops, turn the burner off, there—that’s better—and put the lid on tight. Tighter that that. Wipe that little drip off, there. And there you go!—you’re off on a new culinary adventure! Don’t forget to have a quick chat with your insurance agent. Just wait till the ladies at church lay eyes on the gourmet creations you’ll effortlessly whip up on your Gasoline Stove!

Better get yours today while supplies last. They’re stylish and snazzy! They're not just hot—they’re incendiary!

4. Sanitary House Closet

Sewer connection a bit iffy? Have you considered this elegant House Closet?

Note the delicate embroidery on the plush upholstered lid, and the graceful woodwork. The House Closet bespeaks good taste--it’s certainly far more refined than those citified porcelain bowls.

It’s discreet and noiseless. and perfectly sanitary, too--with the “odorless receptacle cover, no germs can possibly affect the air.” So attractive you’ll use it as a chair even when you’re not--erm--not using it as a chair.

3. Pneumatic Cleaner You know how it is with kids. The lovely nutritious meal you slaved over ends up in crumbs all over the floor. Don’t fret. Whip out your handy 40-pound Regina Pneumatic Cleaner. It does all of the work for you! Just pump vigorously on the long handle while pushing the durable, solid metal vacuum head over your rug with the other hand. To give your children healthful exercise, ask them to pump and make it a game—tell them to pretend they’re galley slaves pulling an oar. The powerful double bellows inside the Cleaner’s barrel whisks away those crumbs in a trice. When you’re done, stash this compact model in any small space.

2. Indoor Gasoline Torch Power out--again? Not a problem for someone as well-prepared as you.

Just light the Gasoline Torch mounted directly over your reading chair and settle back for a pleasant evening under its “large, brilliant white flame.”

It’s convenient--the reservoir holds a generous six quarts of gasoline, so you only have to fill it once in a while.

And it’s well-designed—the burner is only a short distance from the reservoir, so there’s no straining to reach any part.

As a bonus, it pleases the senses, as you enjoy the delightful fragrance of burning gasoline filling your home.

1. Home Incinerator Oh, how the trash piles up! Ever since the war ended and they started making all those plastic things, it’s such a bother to get rid of them all. Or it is for some people, maybe—not you!

Plastic shampoo bottles, cling wrap, the broken toy—no need to wait for the rubbish man, like less foresighted folks, when you can toss it all in your own home incinerator! See how quickly the clean, pure gas flashes on, reducing your trash to ashes in seconds and producing a strong, distinctive scent—the scent of modernity! You can use the ashes on your garden, too.

Don't you see how happy this housewife is? You too can be that happy, someday—with a Gas Calcinator. Call your friendly Michigan Consolidated Gas Company man today.

If you enjoyed this article, you might also enjoy the author's "Ten Things You Don't Have to Wear Anymore."

"Cold Off the Presses" is published each Wednesday on AnnArbor.com.

Comments

Frank

Sun, Sep 5, 2010 : 11:44 p.m.

I have been trying to find out information on Calcinators. I have a model ED in my basement and have never used it but find the application interesting. Does anyone know if there is a market for these things? I'd hate to just throw it away if there is someone who would appreciate having a Calcinator of their very own!

Frank

Sun, Sep 5, 2010 : 11:41 p.m.

Laura Bien

Sat, Sep 26, 2009 : 3 p.m.

egdalina: What a GREAT story! And a great image--all the funeral home employees looking askance at the mysterious Calcinator. Thanks for stopping by from PA!

egdalina

Sat, Sep 26, 2009 : 9:55 a.m.

So, today I decided to research just what the heck this bulky, scary looking aparatus is in our "storage" closet at the funeral home that I work at. It is a Calcinator from the Calinator Corp., Michigan. Everyone here has created great stories about what the heck this machine is and what it was used for. I might make mention that the funeral home has been in this same building since 1902 and we are in PA. Anyhow- it is a relief to find that it is not an antique small sized retort for cremations. It is simply that the old morticians used this thing to burn the trash. Not as exciting of a story like the ones we doctored up. Wonder if this thing still works... hmmmm.

Laura Bien

Thu, Aug 13, 2009 : 12:21 a.m.

Ed: The "International Guild of Lamp Researchers"?! Learning that such a group even exists is the sorts of tidbit that I live for. And they display the very Sears, Roebuck ad I listed! Mine was from my copy of the 1902 catalog, here at home. Oh, the Ann Arbor Vapor Lamp is quite pretty! Thank you for the photo! I also enjoyed the photo of the "University Student [Gasoline] Lamp," though the wick is just a wee bit too close to the elevated reservoir for my tastes. Thank you for sharing those photos and info! Neat stuff!

Laura Bien

Thu, Aug 13, 2009 : 12:14 a.m.

Ed: Wow! Thanks for the find! I wonder how many Calcinators were sold and used around Ypsi (the ad is from an Ypsi paper). Your Ford find is doubly weird for me since I just put a comment about Henry Ford over on the "Cash for Clunkers" thread...odd synchonicity.

Laura Bien

Wed, Aug 12, 2009 : 9:50 p.m.

dang, forgot to cite, sorry--(wish you could edit comments!) that's just a bit from my own blog, Dusty Diary.

Laura Bien

Wed, Aug 12, 2009 : 9:48 p.m.

Yes ma'am; actually the gasoline in the vapor stove was a really low grade. Vapor stoves could burn other fuels as well. Here's a little bit more about vapor stoves: "As frightening as [an explosion] seems, gasoline stoves or "vapor stoves" were for sale in Ypsilanti in 1888. The stoves burned "stove gasoline," a "heavy" or crude form of the fuel. (Vapor stoves could burn multiple fuels that also included kerosene, a type of oil, or a fuel called "distillate"). Gasoline stoves offered a quicker cooking time and, unlike wood or coal stoves, didn't make the kitchen unbearably hot in the summer. They also weren't sooty, like coal stoves. They were a blessing to homemakers who were tired of sweltering at every summer meal and who weren't connected to a city natural gas system. "Insurance companies weren't fond of gasoline stoves due to their inconvenient tendency to explode in a giant fireball of ignited gasoline vapor that could incinerate the entire house. One insurance policy charged an extra premium for gasoline stoves and took pains to spell out the terms under which it would allow a homeowner to install a gasoline stove. It allowed only one stove per household and stipulated that owners could fill the can of gas only during daylight--to avoid the danger of filling the can, with a fuel exuding flammable vapors, by the light of a flame lamp." Delightful.

Patti Smith

Wed, Aug 12, 2009 : 9:38 p.m.

Those folks sure liked gasoline, didn't they?

Laura Bien

Wed, Aug 12, 2009 : 4:07 p.m.

That's funny, my dad has a "burn barrel" in his (large, rural) back yard too, mostly for yard stuff. You're right--a contained system, if one does need an alternative to backyard burning, is much better. I get too cynical sometimes, so thanks for the reality check.

Laura Bien

Wed, Aug 12, 2009 : 3:43 p.m.

Ed: Very interesting, thanks for the find! I do have to laugh to see that the electric calcinator ("calcinator" sounds more like a toothpaste) was promoted by the Toledo Edison Co., just as the gas calcinator was promoted by the Michigan Gas Co. I mean, we all seemed to scrape through every day before the Promethean gift of home incinerators. Come to think of it, my family still does. You have to ask, "What is the problem to which this technology is a solution?" The *crushing hardship* of hauling a can to the curb once a week? The horror! I mean, we're not talking Tesla here, dreaming up staggering and beautiful generators to harness Niagara Falls...just two companies concocting as many silly doodads as possible to use up more of their utility. I note the Michigan Gas Co. advises daily incineration, as the gas meter wheel spins ever faster. Bah! Pretty funny.

Laura Bien

Wed, Aug 12, 2009 : 12:04 p.m.

p.s. note how they try to characterize the garbage as a "FIRE RISK!" (peeks in garbage can) Hmm, looks like my coffee grounds and eggshells haven't exploded into a house-destroying inferno quite yet. I better keep an eye on them, though.

Laura Bien

Wed, Aug 12, 2009 : 11:58 a.m.

redeye: Yep! Just imagine how springtime fresh your home will become as that giant gas flame burns a week's worth of sodden garbage. Ahhh.

redeye

Wed, Aug 12, 2009 : 11:55 a.m.

Hmmm.... The Michigan Consolidated Gas Company will install, for only a few dollars down, a big box that will dry and eventually burn a load of wet garbage using only... a giant gas flame.