When driving to these calls, it's best not to think about your family. Before arriving, officers must be armed with as much information as possible. While walking to the front door, they must stay focused. On the front porch, it’s a good time take a few deep breaths, get determined and remember calm, compassion and common sense.

One of the toughest jobs in police work is making death notifications. Most death notifications are made in the hospital by social workers or doctors. However, when a death occurs at a catastrophe, accident or questionable death scene that the police are investigating, officers will make the death notification.

Death notifications by enlightened police departments are made in person. Normally, two officers will make a death notification and at least one of them will be in uniform, especially in hours of darkness. If time allows, sometimes a chaplain will accompany the officers, but that's usually not possible.

The manner in which officers impart the bad news can significantly impact the length of the mourning process for a family. Mothers Against Drunk Driving completed a study about how the police should properly handle death notifications, and these studies have been the basis for many police policies for death notifications.

Officers conduct a mock casualty death notification during an exercise Aug. 19.

Photo courtesy of the U.S. Air Force

If a death occurs in the city, Ann Arbor Police Department officers will make the notification if the family or next-of-kin live locally. If a death occurs in the city and next-of-kin live in another jurisdiction, the other police department will be asked to make the notification. That is where problems can occur.

Not all departments believe in making death notifications in person. One such agency I called to make a death notification merely called the dead man’s wife, gave her my phone number and told her to call because I had something to tell her. Getting tragic news is bad enough, but getting the run around to get the news was even worse. I felt terrible for this woman and anger at the other police department.

Reactions of loved ones who receive a death notification can run the gamut between quiet resolve to slapping an officer to fainting. I know of one case where a mother dropped dead when she heard her daughter had been murdered. For these reasons, there are normally two officers present when a death notification is made.

The officers involved will try to get the family inside and seated before making the notification. Seating the survivors is done to make them more comfortable and reduce injury in the case of an immediate shock response, such as fainting.

Another recommendation that MADD made was for the officers involved to use very concrete terms to describe the death. Officers must use terms like: killed, died and dead. Death messengers must avoid softening the impact by using terms like passed away, lost or expired.

The reason for using unambiguous and seemingly insensitive words is that the more ambiguous terms give the survivor false hope. The survivor does not want to believe his or her loved one is dead, and as a defense mechanism will hear only what gives them hope.

This happened at a homicide where a woman saw her husband lying in a pool of blood and fled to another apartment to call 911. After medical personnel arrived, they discovered the husband was dead. A well-meaning officer told the woman her husband had “passed away.” The woman looked relieved and said, “Thank God, what hospital did they take him to?” The officer had to explain a second time.

The MADD study also recommended that officers be honest and answer any questions the family may have, as long as it wouldn't compromise an investigation. This seemed counterintuitive because most officers felt they were “helping” by making the death sound either peaceful or instantaneous. Everyone grieves a little differently. Some family members want to know every detail, some only want the basics and some are just in shock and aren't really listening.

Officers will facilitate arrangements for other family members, neighbors or clergy to come help comfort the survivors. The officers involved will explain to the calmest survivor where the loved one’s remains will be located — usually the morgue. Sometimes, families will ask the officer to call a funeral home and give them the information about the location of their loved one.

The goal at a death notification is to impart the tragic information, keep the family safe, make sure they are cared for and give the family a point of contact for their inevitable questions. The questions will come after the initial shock, usually soon after burial. When the family picks up a person’s belongings, at the police department, it is a good time for the investigating officers to answer the family’s question.

These can be some tough conversations, but looking back on my career, they are some of the most rewarding. This is an opportunity for an officer to provide closure for a family by exchanging information. It can also establish a bond between the family and investigating officer if the case is a homicide.

Lock it up, don’t leave it unattended, be aware and watch out for your neighbors.

Rich Kinsey is a retired Ann Arbor police detective sergeant who now blogs about crime and safety for AnnArbor.com.