The Saner Living Guru: Breast cancer and domestic violence are October's stepsisters for awareness

Posted on Mon, Oct 4, 2010 : 6 a.m.

The Saner Living Guru: Breast cancer and domestic violence are October's stepsisters for awareness

By Chris Wucherer

Fall sky

October is a big month for women. It is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, both deadly killers of women in epidemic proportions.

Two of my dear friends have had breast cancer, one many years ago and one this past year. Both of these women handled their illnesses with grace, through the loss of hair, breasts and life as they knew it. Thankfully, both of my friends have returned to good health and are living great lives. This is not always the case for all women who have the disease.

My family has personal experience with domestic violence, which feels like an emotional and psychological cancer with potentially disastrous physical consequences. We go into remission and then, BOOM! It returns unexpectedly, sending our family into turmoil. We were taken by surprise last June with an unexpected recurrence.

My daughter went into hiding for 10 days, and the last week of school for our grandkids was either very interrupted or missed entirely. Our grandkids are lucky, though. They have two sets of grandparents who are very committed to their safety and welfare. This is not always the case for others.

The toll was huge, financially and emotionally, for all of us.
The perpetrator was eventually arrested and is now in a minimum security facility.

Both of these life-threatening conditions — breast cancer and domestic violence — have feelings of powerlessness woven through them like a snake winding its way around its prey. It is pretty scary, but to stay fearful is unproductive, and it gives the disease or perpetrator way too much power.

Our family is working hard to find a way through this worry-filled swamp. It's tricky to be appropriately cautious and also to not live in fear all at the same time. Most humans dance this dance in various degrees. Sometimes, the fears are created by making stories up of worst-case scenarios. Sometimes the fears are in response to real-life dangers.

Whatever the cause of our fear and sense of powerlessness, it is very important to have a voice. It is in this spirit that I wrote this post. Also, we are having a family meeting tomorrow, which will include our two teen grandsons, to brainstorm ways to stay safe, live our lives and love each other through this domestic violence cancer. It is our own emotional chemotherapy.

Chris, a life coach, business coach and psychotherapist, has 28 years of experience helping people create saner lives. She uses a wide array of practical tools, tips and a deep visioning process to help people move forward. Chris firmly believes and practices the principles that saner living makes for great living. She is the Saner Living Guru. She writes a blog and has a website. You can reach her at 734-669-7202 or by e-mail.