Halloween is less than three weeks away, and I still don't know what I'm going to be. This is a serious dilemma. I am turning to the best sources I have: Internet quizzes, Google image search, and a poll of my friends.

When I Googled "What should I be for Halloween," the first quiz that came up was from something called Quiz Rocket, and gave me this result:

Not going to happen. Ever.

Yeah. Nope.

The next one was on teen Web site ellegirl.com. I knew that the results would be spoiled by the fact that I cannot accurately questions like:

Your iPod is full of music like:

c. Gwen Stefani, Christina Aguilera and yes, some vintage Britney

From what I can deduce, answer a means you are gothic and sad. Answers b and c seem to be exactly the same, but maybe I don't understand the subtle social nuances between liking Fergie and liking Gwen Stefani (I don't like either one). And since when can anything by Britney Spears be vintage? Plus, "Womanizer" is probably not considered vintage Britney, and I definitely have that one on my iPod. So I lose in every way.
I chose to go with b, because Justin Timberlake seems less embarassing than My Chemical Romance.

Also, that site didn't actually work. But I'm just going to guess and figure it would have told me to go as a sexy bunny rabbit, and I'm not going to do that.

So I decided to poll some of my friends (in keeping with the spirit of this site, they are only people who live in Ann Arbor). Here are my favorite answers:

Adam Eichner (Realtor, attorney, animal lover and family man): "White middle class fear and loathing. Tricky, but I think you can pull it off. Maybe a Gaultier dress, an absurdly large black eye and a re-usable Whole Foods bag on your arm? Or a naughty nurse. Your call."
Me: "Since when are Gaultier and Whole Foods middle class?"
Adam: "Since 1998."

David Zinn (illustrator): "If I were you, I would use Elliot and some duct tape to create a parasitic twin costume ... which is why it's probably all for the best that I don't have children of my own. Good luck!"
Editor's note: Elliot is my son. And David is wonderful with children.

Stefanie Murray (AnnArbor.com community director): "What crowd are we catering to? For the political crowd, for example, you could be a FOIAed e-mail. :)"
Me: "We're catering to the "my friends" crowd, which does include mostly people who would understand what that means. Wow. My friends are nerdy.
But I'm hoping for something less ... wonky."

Davy Rothbart (writer, filmmaker, radio guy): "Sexy ghost? sexy super woman? sexy cowgirl? sexy Kanye West?"

Rich Retyi (U-M athletic relations, fellow AnnArbor.com contributor): "May I suggest wearing a beard (not sexy!) ..."

Amalie Nash (annarbor.com news director): "You’re asking (Geoff) Larcom for advice on a Halloween costume?
I can only imagine his gosh darn response.
How about this? Go as Larcom. (I have edited out the physical description of Larcom that goes here), slap on a fanny pack, wear pants that are too short and only socks - no shoes. Then say semi-intelligible sentences filled with words like myriad and dichotomy and you’ll practically be Larcom."

Geoff Larcom(reporter, columnist): "Football player, baseball player, angel, Tom Gantert, Catwoman"

Amalie was right. Those are totally lame. Except for the suggestion to go as Tom Gantert (former Ann Arbor News reporter and Arena regular). That is genius.

So, if I listen to my friends, I could go as a sexy e-mail sent to Kanye West by Geoff Larcom and full of upper middle class rage. Or Tom Gantert. With a beard.

Somebody had better help me out here, or else I'm showing up at all of your Halloween parties dressed like this:

I'm okay, but my watch sick.

Or as a bearded Tom Gantert.

This photo of Tom Gantert was taken by Tom Gantert, and then lifted from his Facebook.

Help me. Please.

Jordan Miller is the lead blogger for The Deuce. She can be reached via E-mail: A2jordanmiller [at] gmail.com, or on Twitter: _jordanmiller_