The first cow - Explanations of where babies come from
I know its normal behavior, and I don’t have difficulties answering most questions - but he is 5 - FIVE! He doesn’t even begin school for a few weeks, so where are these questions coming from? Is it normal for five-year-olds to NEED to know this info? It feels a little too early to answer this question with any substance. Luckily, as coincidence would have it, he seems satisfied with the vaguest of answers.
My M.O. has been to ask him “Well what do you think?” or simply say “Babies come from their mommy’s tummies.”
The other day though, as we were driving down I-94, he asked me again, “Mom where do babies come from?” “Well where do you think they come from?” “I know it takes a mommy and a daddy and the doctor cut me out of your tummy.” (C-section for both kids wouldn’t you know…) “Yes honey that’s right. Did you get the answer you needed?” “Yes.” As I breathe a HUGE sigh of relief...
There is silence in the car, until we pass a large truck hauling cattle. “Mom where are they taking the cows?”
I have to stop at this, because again, how much information is TOO much information for a five-year-olds brain. “Well Zach, sometimes cows become food for us. You know that, right?”
“Yes.”
“That is where we get steak and hamburgers.”
“So someone is gonna cut them up? Won’t that hurt?”
Again I have to dig deep for the answers, thinking quickly for something that makes sense - Got it. “Well sweetie, the cows are asleep and they don’t feel it.”
“Mom, did it hurt when I came out of your tummy?”
Damned my answers came back to haunt me - He’s back to asking about babies due to my C-sections. “No sweetie, I wanted you and your sister so badly it didn’t hurt me.”
Now comes the rapid fire, on the chopping block questions...
“So where do baby cows come from?”
“They come out of their mommy’s tummies.”
“So they are like us?”
“Yes sweetie, they are called mammals - They come out of their mommy’s tummy and drink her milk so they can grow.”
“But where do they COME from?”
I’m now getting frustrated and I sense his frustrations as well as I ask, “WHERE do you think they came from?”
“No, MOM, I mean the FIRST cow. Where did IT come from”
Now this stops me. To avoid any explanation of Creationism vs. Evolution to a five-year-old though, I opted for the easiest answer for my son to grasp - I suppose one might argue that I saw my out…”Well sweetie, God created the first cow.”
There is now silence in the car, complete, blessed SILENCE. He seemed to accept that answer - Thankfully he hasn’t asked about the first human, or asked again about babies and their "specifics", but I have a sinking suspicion that I am going to need simplified answers sooner rather than later…
But, he’s only FIVE!!! Isn’t that a bit early to want to know about the human reproductive cycle?!
Creative Commons License / photo credit: colostate
Comments
Sally
Sat, Aug 8, 2009 : 10:59 a.m.
I don't know. My daughter started asking those questions at two and a half. It happens when it happens. Get ready for more!
Tammy Mayrend
Mon, Aug 3, 2009 : 10:49 a.m.
Thanks Scott - it's important to get this from parents who have already "been there". Don't get me wrong though, I am going to be a VERY open parent, as my parents were, I just don't plan on forcing information on my kids until they're ready. I'll answer questions, help them to understand, introduce age-appropriate information and ask if they have other questions. After watching a video of birth (several actually of many types of animals) I have asked several times if he had other questions. I told him no question was silly too, since I sensed MAYBE he was embarrassed. Turns out he wanted to watch TV instead! Go figure... So I'll wait for the "signs" that he wants more and keep an open channel flowing! Can't wait really, but it IS a sign of my oldest growing up - YIKES!
Scott Beal
Mon, Aug 3, 2009 : 8:07 a.m.
In general, I hope to err on the side of giving too much information rather than not enough. I think kids can tell when we are being evasive -- and I think that does more harm than any information we might give them.
Tammy Mayrend
Sat, Aug 1, 2009 : 9:42 p.m.
Thanks Annie - GREAT suggestions. And you Jen - I laugh at the "blocking out" part. Zach started asking probably sometime last year too, but the real simplified answers I gave satisfied his curiosity! He hasn't ASKED "Yes but how DID the babies GET there..." And until he does, or probes in different ways maybe I'll sit back and watch. At any rate, it'll be a ride I'm sure to never forget!
Annie Zirkel
Sat, Aug 1, 2009 : 4:16 p.m.
Here's my 2 cents. First you did a great job on the fly! Always so fun to be on the spot. Ideas for future conversations? It's always good to say: "These are great questions. Your curiosity is awesome." Then, as you did awesomely, probe deeper to find out the exact question he is asking. If you feel you have an answer, age-appropriately, offer it. It is better that your answer is one that simplifies rather than lies. Remember you will either be building on, or back-tracking from, it later on. For the human reproductive cycle - he is certainly old enough to hear simple, factual statements - though how much he will retain is questionable. You can say, "it's a little complicated but..." For the origin question: If you want to be inclusive of others' beliefs you can also say: "Different people believe different things. I believe..." If you don't know an answer - practice this one: "I'm not really sure. Do you want to find the answers together." (Though be careful with visual depictions because they leave more of an impression.) Temporarily you can also go with the classic dodge: "What a great question. I'll have to get back to you." Two books I recommend to parents: How To Say It To Your Kids by Dr. Paul Coleman and From Diapers to Dating by Debra Haffner. As with all parenting, you figure it out as you go. And cherish these memorable moments. You did a great job! Thanks for your post.
Tammy Mayrend
Sat, Aug 1, 2009 : 3:58 p.m.
I DID show him a YouTube video today of a dog giving birth and he was like "OH." I asked if he had any other questions and the only thing he said was he wanted to see more videos of animals - So we watched a cat, elephant and another dog giving birth. Guess we'll address further questions later.
Tammy Mayrend
Sat, Aug 1, 2009 : 12:50 p.m.
Really? I personally remember my mom telling me about it, but I can't think my brother knew all the specifics that young. When a friend went through this last year with her boy (he was 6 going on 7) her doctor said to be as vague as possible. I e-mailed my doc and she said to get as specific as he wanted - sperm, egg and all, except he hasn't asked how babies "come out" yet. Questions have been limited to how babies get food and why I have a scar. Maybe the scar thing is a bit mis-leading... I'll just wait until he asks more I suppose? Then again maybe I'll circumvent it with a book or video. Our doc said since he's interested in baby animals, maybe find a youtube video with an animal birth and show him that first.
Maggi Idzikowski
Sat, Aug 1, 2009 : 11:59 a.m.
I think 5 is a bit old, personally. I don't ever remember a time I didn't know about the human reproductive cycle. We just had picture books around the house about reproduction and sexuality (age appropriate, of course -- my mother was a preschool teacher!) and I read them all.
Tammy Mayrend
Sat, Aug 1, 2009 : 11:45 a.m.
For any of you parents that "have been there, done that." your thoughts are appreciated. Still not sure how to approach this with a 5-year-old!