Traveling for the first time without family - a good time to use lessons learned about responsibility.

Angela Verges | Contributor

It was time for my son to travel on a four-day camping trip with his sixth grade class. As we packed, he checked off items from a list provided by his teacher. The items included typical things like toothbrush, toothpaste, sleeping bag, a pillow.

I needed to squeeze a few items onto the list to be sure my son (and the chaperones) would survive. After all, it would be his first time away from family.

My additions to the camping checklist included: respect, integrity and cooperativeness. I could only hope that my son learned a few things that would help him to be responsible on this trip.

What does teaching responsibility and independence look like?

In a video at howdini.com, Good Morning America parenting contributor Ann Pleshette Murphy discuses how much independence a child should have.

How to give children more independence

I have come across many articles that say it is the parents’ job to teach independence and responsibility. However, we all know that this is sometimes easier said than done. An article at www.articlesnatch.com provided the following tips for teaching responsibility and independence:

• Encourage independence by refusing to step in. When your child is at an age where he is ready to take on age appropriate responsibility, show him how to do it then let him go.
• Believe in your child. Children need to know you believe in them. Encourage children with positive words such  as, “You can do it” or “You are smart.” When we model positive behavior, this teaches out children to also think positive about themselves.
• Build in life skills through routines. “Routines give your child repetition and practice.” For instance, if the afterschool routine includes coming home, have a snack, complete homework, then play, your child is learning responsibility as a way of life.
• Let children fall down and experience the consequences. There are many opportunities in life for children to succeed and make mistakes. What do we always tell our children? Learn from your mistakes. “The lesson is reinforced and learning takes place when children are allowed to make mistakes. If your child makes a bad choice, let him experience the natural or imposed consequences. A “D or an “F” on an exam sends a clear message that the child needs to study harder.”
• Coach your children toward independence and responsibility. When your child is faced with a decision it is good to ask her open ended questions that encourage her to think for herself.

The article ended with a statement about the goal of raising children. It stated that the goal is no to protect children from pain or undesirable circumstances, but to equip them with what they need to be responsible, independent adults.

When my son left for his camping trip, it was hard for me not to be a helicopter mom. I wanted to remind him to brush his teeth, follow the directions of the chaperones and respect others. I had to remind myself that if he didn’t know basic responsibilities by now, it was too late to cram them in. I know there will be other opportunities.

What are your tips for teaching responsibility and independence?

Angela Verges is a writer and mother of two. She can be reached at awritersdream41@yahoo.com.