You are viewing this article in the AnnArbor.com archives. For the latest breaking news and updates in Ann Arbor and the surrounding area, see MLive.com/ann-arbor
Posted on Thu, Jul 29, 2010 : 6:58 p.m.

An open letter to Chelsea Clinton on the occasion of her wedding

By Mona Shand

Dear Chelsea,

First off, congratulations! It's your wedding weekend, and I know the emotions are running high. It's being called the Wedding of the Decade—no pressure there. So anyhoo, I just wanted to drop you a quick note to offer my best wishes and support.

Secondly, you're probably wondering who the heck I am to be offering my best wishes and support. Well Chels (can I call you Chels?), I know we've never met, but I've always felt a kinship with you. I've followed you (in the most gentle, non-stalker-ish way) since you first set foot in the White House back in 1992. You were 12, I was 19, and behind that mop of naturally curly hair, the awful plaid jumpers, and the whole awkward tween thing, I saw a kindred spirit. You see, you and I are both what is sometimes kindly referred to as "late bloomers" who both struggled with what is not so kindly referred to as "a head full of frizz."

young-chelsea.jpg
mona frizzy.jpg

Also, we both have strong, outspoken, pantsuit-wearing, career-driven mothers whose hairstyles have often been the subject of much heated debate.

hillary-clinton_3.jpg
IMG_1355.JPG

And after this coming weekend when you tie the knot, we will both be married to men named Mark.

chelsea-clinton-marc-mezvinsky-photos.jpg
IMG_1371.JPG

Although yours, for some reason, has the alternate spelling, Marc. Still, given our commonalities and the fact that my Mark and I just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary, I thought I'd offer you as a gift (sorry—I didn't know where you were registered) a few pieces of marital advice I've gleaned over the past several years.

1. Don't feel like you must have breakfast together. It's just not normal. When we first got married, I envisioned a Saturday morning routine where we'd linger over a basket of freshly baked muffins and the New York Times, discussing global issues before tackling the day. As it turns out, I am a morning person, my husband is not. So while I pop out of bed, ready to run five miles before the sun rises, my husband needs to gently ease into the day, which seems to involve a lot of grunting, coffee, ESPN, and more grunting. It took a few years of trying to awkwardly force a.m. communication for us to realize that it's not worth it. Now, I go out for my run, he does his grunting thing, and by 9 a.m. we're almost on the same page.

2. Merging two families takes a lot of work. We all have certain family members who are… wait, I don't really need to explain this one to you, do I? Better advice: plan an exotic vacation that just happens to fall over Thanksgiving and get the heck out of the country.

3. Go to bed angry. Not on a regular basis, of course, but when the inevitable argument arises, it sometimes beats staying up all night angry, which leads to being tired and cranky, which usually leads to being angrier. Sleep, which becomes an increasingly valuable commodity when children arrive, can be the ultimate peacemaker (no offense to your dad, who is darn good at peacemaking in his own right). Plus, you will need the extra rest to win the argument in the morning.

4. I'm kidding of course, because marriage is not a competitive sport. The minute you start thinking in terms of "winners" and "losers," well, that's when you lose. Or at least your marriage does. You're not competing with (or against) each other, and you're certainly not competing with any other couples.

5. Convince Marc that plain black socks are very, very sexy. And then buy two dozen pairs of them and throw out all his other socks. Sorting socks slowly sucks the life out of you—it's a little-known medical fact.

6. Celebrate. I know you're something of a celebrity and all, but let's face it—no matter who you are, married life can at times be a tad dull. Every relationship goes through its peaks and valleys, and some days just don't feel all that special, particularly when the little ones come along. Don't wait until your anniversary rolls around to celebrate your relationship. Break out the bubbly for your first date-iversary. And your proposal-iversary. And your Hey-It's-A-Random-Tuesday-In-March-iversary. Celebrations will likely change with time: you might spend your first wedding anniversary dining on delicacies in a fancy restaurant before returning home to eat the top tier of wedding cake you put in the freezer (which will be disgusting) but your seventh anniversary eating leftover pizza and cake from the Thomas the Tank Engine-themed double birthday you threw for your kids the night before (which will be delicious). The details don't matter—the celebration does.

7. Make your own rules. I don't really have to explain this one to you, either—no one has lived through it more than you. People will always have something to say about your marriage, but ultimately, it's yours. Create it, define it, protect it.

So there you have it, Chelsea. May you enjoy every minute of your special day, estimated to cost between $3 million and $5 million. I hope you shine in the glow of love from your (500) closest friends and family (including such superstars as Oprah Winfrey and Steven Spielberg). Much as I want to see a picture, I hope your mom finds a way to have any paparazzi who crash the party sentenced to several years of hard labor in a vuvuzuela factory. Hold on tightly to your dad as he walks you down the aisle—he's been waiting for that moment with a mixture of excitement and dread your whole life. Drink the champagne, eat the cake, savor the moment. And then go continue to do what you've already been doing: live happily ever after.

Mona Shand is a radio and TV News Reporter who is not on the invite list for Chelsea Clinton's wedding. At least not yet. You can read more on her blog.

Comments

Mona Shand

Mon, Aug 2, 2010 : 12:49 p.m.

@Barb- thanks for the kind words! @dading- that does have a nice ring to it... @Carolyn- glad you got a laugh! :-)

Carolyn

Sun, Aug 1, 2010 : 11:10 p.m.

I thought this was a fun article. Some people are just too grumpy and have no idea how to "LIGHTEN UP"....... @MI-expatriate.....Brilliant @Top Hat.........LOL @Fran Loosen........I LOVE your post. Thank you.

dading dont delete me bro

Sun, Aug 1, 2010 : 4:14 p.m.

did mark take 'her' name? mark and chelsea clinton, sounds powerful.

Barb Roether

Sun, Aug 1, 2010 : 3:15 p.m.

Mona, This is just a fabulous piece and so much fun to read. I bet that Chelsea could give all of us lots of tips about life and handling some tough situations. I do feel better knowing that your husband also does the laundry. It really does make for a better marriage. Keep posting these great articles.

Mona Shand

Fri, Jul 30, 2010 : 7:27 p.m.

@huh7891- Hey, if that works for you- great!!! But in my house, we both do the laundry so we both sort the socks.

huh7891

Fri, Jul 30, 2010 : 3:39 p.m.

omg...who cares?!? I couldn't agree more and make him sort his own socks....

Mona Shand

Fri, Jul 30, 2010 : 1:08 p.m.

@Angie, Jill and April- thanks for that! So far, still no invite. :-) @Top Cat- I only wish it were that simple. I think my husband might spontaneously combust if he wore mismatched socks. It comes with being a slightly OCD engineer. @Dading- It's just a lighthearted look at marriage in general, which I do think many people care about. @Fran- thanks for the great additions to the list!

April Scarlett

Fri, Jul 30, 2010 : 11:36 a.m.

Great piece!

Fran Loosen

Fri, Jul 30, 2010 : 10:01 a.m.

I would also add: 1) for better or for worse, your marriage is not your parent's marriage. It will be confusing as hell much of the time. Ride it out, find good girlfriends, enjoy the small stuff when it happens. 2)Yes, kids make it harder. No, you can't have everything in life, even if we've told you (and all other young women) that you could all of these years. The decisions and sacrifices suck sometimes, but it's part of the deal. Know that going in and make decisions accordingly. 3) You will find times that you wonder what the hell you've done getting married and having kids (if that is your path). Spending time on "what if's" confuses your mind and wastes your time. See #1. Good luck, Chels! Thanks for a fantastic commentary, Mona!

dading dont delete me bro

Fri, Jul 30, 2010 : 9:15 a.m.

omg...who cares?!?

Top Cat

Fri, Jul 30, 2010 : 7:29 a.m.

What is it with wives and men's socks? The simple is so simple. When they come out of the dryer put them in a big pile. Every day I need two socks. I will then take 2 socks from the pile. If they don't exactly match certainly no one of the male persuasion will know or care nor will be I be crippled for life.

Jill Tewsley

Fri, Jul 30, 2010 : 6:58 a.m.

Where have you been all of my married life? That tip about the socks is brilliant. I will be buying the store out of black socks later today.

Angela Smith

Fri, Jul 30, 2010 : 6:48 a.m.

Dear Chelsea, I so think this wonderful gift should earn Mona an invitation to the wedding!!!!

Mona Shand

Fri, Jul 30, 2010 : 6:02 a.m.

@stunhsif- Vuvuzuelas are those horns you might have heard at the World Cup that sound like an angry swarm of bees. @MI-expatriate - I have heard about the sock pinning idea... might have to give that a try!

MI-expatriate

Fri, Jul 30, 2010 : 12:19 a.m.

She's right on that sock thing. The most brilliant woman I know (because of her sock solution) forced her all male cohabitating household to pin the socks together when they put them into the hamper. Do you know how much time and stress that saved? Genius!

Rod Johnson

Thu, Jul 29, 2010 : 11:27 p.m.

It's a "factory" where they make "vuvzelas."

stunhsif

Thu, Jul 29, 2010 : 8:58 p.m.

What is a "vuvuzuela factory"?