John Moors | Contributor

After being called Ann Arbor's "go-to fat man" for far too long, I recently decided that I was going to begin the detoxification process and give up all fast food for a month. I’ve been suffering from a massive food hangover, which includes the famous fat man sweats, and I realized that it was time to stop treating my body like a garbage disposal.

This was going great until KFC decided it was time to launch their newest creation, the Double Down “Sandwich,” nationwide.

Detox is over. I had to have one.

I came across my first double down a day late and had already read a review on GrubGrade, so I pretty much knew what I was getting myself into. I had also previously dedicated two posts on Epic Portions to the pending arrival of the sandwich, the first being on Aug. 21, and the second being more recently on April 2. I was prepared and ready to tackle one of the most ridiculous fast food creations of all time.

In case you’ve been living under a rock or just don’t care to concern yourself with general fast food ridiculousness, the Double Down sandwich uses two boneless chicken fillets as the bread and surrounds two slices of Monterey Jack and Pepper Jack cheese, bacon and Colonel’s sauce. It’s an interesting combination that seems more like a creation reserved for Thisiswhyyourefat.com than a nationally offered fast food item. To me, it’s similar to Domino’s “new” pizza recipe, in that it’s more of a gimmick item to draw attention to the chain. I guess that mission is accomplished because I’m taking time out of my day to report it to you people. Damn you, KFC!

On to business, the KFC Double Down arrives in their usual box but comes in a wrapper which I assumed was intended to block some of the grease from streaming onto your fingers. It carries a hefty price tag of $4.99, which follows the theme of being absolutely ridiculous. $4.99 for two chicken fillets, bacon, two slices of cheese and some sauce? Shame on you, KFC. Don’t you know we’re living in a recession?

So I pulled the double down out and immediate felt the grease soak through the wrapper and on to my fingers. The wrapper does its job, in that it protects your fingers from becoming completely soaked in grease, but your fingers still get a nice spritz of oil on them. The chicken fillets were equal in size, the cheese was large and stuck out of the sides, and the sauce was slathered on nice and thick. This thing continued to have serious potential. The only thing I was a little bit disappointed on at first was the lack of bacon. There were two minuscule strips across the chicken breast, which didn’t represent very well for the bacon family.

John Moors | Contributor

Upon taking my first bite, the first thing I noticed was the spice. I wasn’t sure if it was coming from the chicken, the cheeses or the sauce, but this thing has some serious spice in its aftertaste. Not the usual spice you get from the Colonel’s original recipe either. It’s something different. After trying a few of the ingredients by themselves, I decided that it had to be a combination of all of the ingredients. I hate to sound like I’m seriously breaking down the taste of such a ridiculous creation, but the flavors actually come together to make a nice and spicy “sandwich."

I have to admit that I still have no clue what “Colonel’s Sauce” is, but it’s not bad at all. I would have to describe it as a cheesy gravy with a little spice added to it. Now that I think of it, just that description sounds delicious. Poetic, even.

John Moors | Contributor

The second thing that hit me was the saltiness. I believe my exact reaction was “Damn, this thing is salty.” This didn’t come as much of a surprise, since the thing has more than 1500mg of sodium, but even without knowing that beforehand, it’s obvious that this thing is enough to make you crave a bottle of Tiger Woods Gatorade. Unfortunately for all of us, this is no longer available for some reason. I’m still trying to figure that one out.

All in all this is a delicious, ridiculous and pretty stupid sandwich that I will most likely not eat again. It’s doing its job perfectly and getting people talking about it, but I seriously doubt 90 percent of the people will go back for a second Double Down. I would recommend that if you like this kind of thing you should go and try it, but I seriously doubt people will return and drop $4.99 on another one.

I leave you with the wrapper after consumption was complete. Check out that grease pool.

John Moors | Contributor

John Moors is single handedly raising national obesity levels and documenting it on his blog at EpicPortions.com. Challenge him or just say hello by e-mail at john@epicportions.com or follow him on Twitter @EpicPortions.