Parents disdain marriage after failure of their own

Posted on Sat, Sep 7, 2013 : 5 a.m.

Parents disdain marriage after failure of their own

By Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY:

I'm 24 and a college graduate. My boyfriend, "Jordan," and I have been together for a year and we would like to get married. However, my parents are against the idea. They love Jordan, but they think marriage is stupid because, in 2013, "Who is getting married?"

I think this is totally ridiculous, but I don't know what to do. I want to be married and I would love my parents' approval, but it's hard when they call me stupid for wanting to take that step just because their marriage didn't work out.

I love Jordan and I love my parents. Should I have to choose between the two? -- TOTALLY TORN

DEAR TOTALLY TORN:

You do not have to choose between your parents and being married. At 24, you are an adult and mature enough to make your own decision about the importance of the institution.

As to the question of "who is getting married" these days, one answer is people with college degrees are marrying at a greater rate than those with only a high school education -- and their unions are more lasting. I'm sorry your parents' marriage didn't work out, but you would be foolish to let their cynical opinion of this kind of commitment taint your perspective. I hope you and Jordan enjoy many happy and fulfilling years together.

DEAR ABBY:

What are your thoughts about co-workers dating? I have a crush on one of my co-workers, and I believe it is reciprocated. We're unsure about an office romance because, while it isn't against the rules for people to date within the building, there are concerns about sexual harassment or inappropriate behavior on the premises. (Some of our co-workers have dated with no problems.)

Would it be wrong to attempt to further the relationship, as long as it remains appropriate within the office, or should I forget it and date someone outside of work? -- WORKING RELATIONSHIP IN INDIANA

DEAR WORKING RELATIONSHIP:

This may seem old-fashioned, but I'm not crazy about the idea of office romances. While I know they are not uncommon and it's hard to fight mutual attraction, office romances are distracting. When the pheromones are flying, it can be extremely difficult to concentrate on the tasks at hand. And if it doesn't work out, there can be tension, embarrassment and hard feelings in the aftermath, and that's not good for business.

DEAR ABBY:

Twice in the past month I have received thank-you notes for gifts I had given, but the wrong gift was mentioned. I usually spend a lot of time selecting just the right thing, and I take pride in my choices.

I understand how something like that could happen, but I'm not sure what to do about it. Should I just keep quiet about it, or say something to the person? What would I say? I don't want to embarrass anyone, but I know I have received gifts in the past that will forever remind me of the giver. -- PICKING OUT PRESENTS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PICKING OUT PRESENTS:

I see nothing to be gained by not alerting the person to the mistake. If you were thanked for the wrong gift, so was another giver. If I had mixed up the gift cards, I would want to know -- wouldn't you? Do unto others ...

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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